Happy New Year!

Happy New Year and welcome to 2013! Congratulations on surviving “the end of the world” and all that. It’s nice to see some of us made it. 

I myself have always disliked the holiday season. I suppose I let the traffic, materialism, and high concentration of family gatherings get to me. My friends and family generally regard me as a Scrooge, but this year has been different. My usual snide comments were replaced by Christmas carols, and I participated in the whole cookie-baking, stocking-stuffing she-bang. I guess I’ve been “in the holiday spirit”, as they say (though never about me). 

New Years, like the rest of the season, has left me feeling melancholic in the past. It felt like a reminder of my age and the things I’ve yet to accomplish. That, too, has changed. This year I feel hopeful; this year it feels like a beginning. 

It feels like a new year…like it’s supposed to. 

New Years was first celebrated when the Romans dedicated the first day of the year to Janus, the god of gates, doors, and beginnings. In fact, the word January comes from the name Janus. Janus is depicted with two faces: one is turned forward (toward the future) and the other is turned backward (toward the past). I am not a religious woman, but this symbolism serves me well in my current state of personal evolution. 

The best and worst aspects of my younger years have consumed me up until now. I longed for former glories and dwelled on the mistakes I’ve made. The thought of actually changing my life never occurred to me; I just dreamed (at length) of how things might’ve turned out differently. I had only one face, and it was turned toward the past. The foolishness of that settled in on me recently. I realized that both my triumphs and failures have made me the woman I am today, but neither has set the precedent for the rest of my life. Here and now, I resolve (yeah, I said it) to be aware of both directions in life - and to move my ass toward the things I truly want, instead of just bitch about not having them.

As I move forward into 2013, I will always remember my past – I just hope I can remember it in context with the limitless possibilities of my future. 

Cheers.